Thursday, December 30, 2004
walked home from church today.. and now i know why judy likes to walk so much.. it clears your mind and allows you to think about anything and everything.. i thought alot on my way back, and i realise i cannot sense God's presence in my life because He just wants me to wait and to let go.. and that is exactly what i'll do.. i'm gonna walk away from it all and i'll only think about it in three years.. three solid years to serve God and to draw closer to Him and to strengthen all my friendships.. three years before i think about all those stuff again.. all of those who know what i'm talking about.. pls do keep me accountable.. thank you..
stir (: - 12:32 AM.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
You know how ppl always say that when one door closes, another will open? Well i slammed that door shut with as much courage i can summon, but where's my other door?
stir (: - 7:30 PM.
Monday, December 27, 2004
someone told me today that i'm a very reserved person. and i realise that i really am reserved. all my problems and troubles i keep to myself. i would say even my closest friends don't really know what's going on now. even the times that i've opened up voluntarily are pretty numbered. most ppl think that i don't have a care in the world, but thats not true. i've learnt the art of hiding, of putting up a front so that nobody will ask me questions. i've learnt how to smile and be happy on the outside. just watched phantom of the opera today. and like the song masquerade, i realise my life is full of paper faces and pretences. i don't know why i do it. maybe i'm a very private person. or maybe i'm just insecure. i don't know why i'm writing all of this down. maybe i just want all of u to know that this is how i am. what to do?
stir (: - 8:43 PM.
so many emotions. so many feelings. i don't know what to do. who to turn to. who to look for. where's God when i need Him. when i need an answer. You told me to do it. and i did. pressing on with great reluctance. but You leaving me hanging here. insecure. afraid. afraid to reach out to anyone for help. afraid to do anything at all. where are You when i need You. where are You when i need an answer. confusion sets in. what's my next step. do i even have a next step. fear. fear of talking. of being vulnerable once again. sadness. my initial reason still stands but i still wanna ask why. letting go was the only option You gave me. was it really? why those dreams. why? why do i have to put on a front? why do i have to mask my feelings up? why does christmas not feel like christmas at all? why? confused. afraid. sad. angry. ----
stir (: - 1:15 AM.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
went for body massage today with my sis.. it was so relaxing.. think i almost fell asleep.. haha.. then went for the crazy mango sale.. it was like ultra cram and everyone was pushing and stuff.. managed to get a nice denim skirt tho' and it was half price.. =)
work over the past three days have been pretty good.. towards the end they were practically paying us to do nothing.. haha.. wrote x'mas cards for my boss (how lame is that!) and did lotsa filing and moving stuff everywhere.. i gotta say that this company is extremely disorganised and messy.. but they have nice food in the pantry.. hee=)
stir (: - 9:29 PM.
Monday, December 20, 2004
new layout! i seriously have no idea where my old layout went to.. haha.. it disappeared into thin air!
i'm gonna work! for two days of the week and its only for two weeks.. haha.. that's like ultra part time work..=) i'm happy tho'.. cos it means that i've more time to spend with my friends before they go to sch or work or hol.. all of which happens in january.. yup..
tata!
stir (: - 12:26 AM.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
haven't been blogging in a long while.. this past week have been pretty tiring.. did quite alot of shopping.. my mum bought me many many things.. =) saturday's bbq was fun.. tho' the guys were watching soccer and luke was more interested in the food than anything else.. but had a great time catching up with the gals.. and its the first time in a long while that pam ate so much.. haha.. its almost like a once in a lifetime thing.. =) and my bro is back!! so exciting.. it kinda feels like i haven't seen him in a long long while tho its only been 3 months.. and it feels funny having someone disturb me all the time now.. but its a nice feeling too.. yup..
went to play golf today.. realised i'm not really that out of touch with my golf club yet.. not perfect but its not all lost.. quite happy about that.. my sis and i went to a quiet corner of the driving range coz we didn't want to be embarassed my our lousy skills.. was quite funny.. the way my sis chose a spot.. haha.. i miss my sis.. tho we were never really very close.. felt good to just spend time with her.. =)
stir (: - 12:09 AM.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
My X'mas Wishlist
Nike trackpants
A watch
A nice new bible
Levi's jeans or any other brand
Lotsa nice tops
A round the world trip
To catch up with old friends
stir (: - 8:33 PM.
photos are up!! =)
yup haven't updated in a long while.. yf camp was extremely good.. tho i felt that there was too many ppl that i don't know.. was really glad that i had a good chat with my dear jude and talked to jo p too.. its been a long while since i've had a heart to heart chat with either of them and it felt really really good to just let it all out.. think i learnt alot during this camp.. and found out alot of things about myself too.. i went there thinking that i was so unprepared for the camp but left knowing that God had actually prepared me in other ways.. :)
other than that.. i'm quite lazy to talk about the past few days.. mainly just slacking and going out.. yup.. shall go make ice cream now.. haha.. :)
stir (: - 2:12 PM.
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