the flower has wilted. the vase is empty. when will it be filled again?
stir (: - 10:26 PM.
i woke up late today. at 1055 for a 11am lecture. i rushed and rushed. and reached at 1115. and the lecture was supposed to be for 2hrs till 1pm. BUT the lecturer was in a bigger rush than me! and we ended at 1135!! RAAR!! i think i rushed for nothing. bleah. anyway i went home after that and cleaned my house and did my laundry.
stir (: - 8:25 PM.
" you already know what God wants when you're struggling" a friend said this the other day during cell. and how true it is. how we struggle for the sake of struggling. how we pray "God guide me in what i do..." and complete the prayer with "...as long as its what i want" thank God for providing for me when i'm at my lowest.
stir (: - 11:54 PM.
"being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect ... maybe we just get through it. that's all we can ask for." i had all those damned cards. and i tore it up to shreds. i'm sorry.
stir (: - 7:24 PM.
went for cell yest.. it was really good.. think i'm really being blessed by this cell alot alot.. somehow, we were talking about how we always ask God for something, and yet we aren't willing to take no for an answer.. and we'll keep asking God why He hasn't given us an answer.. that actually touched a raw nerve of mine.. like how sometimes i'll ask God to help me let go of something, if that was what He wanted, but yet at the same time, i'll still hold on to it.. yup.. anw, after cell i met up w jess, alex and zian.. and somehow, we drove to sydney road and stopped at some super dodgy place to eat.. but the food there was really really v nice! just that it was super ulu kind.. haha..and then we drove back and went to jess' place.. and by the time i reached home at 4+ in the morning.. i wasn't really tired.. pretty pretty lilies never fail to bring a smile to my face every morning.. (: " Break the glass ... because it's a symbolic gesture. Try to understand taht i have broken things within myself that were much more important than a glass, and I'm happy I did. Resolve your own inner battle and break the glass. ... Break the glass, please - and free us from all these damned rules, from needing to find an explanation for everything, from doing only what others approve of. ..." got this passage from By The River Piedra, I Sat Down And Wept. it just jumped out and starred me in th face.. " Legend says that the River Piedra is so cold that anything that falls into it - leaves, insects, the feathers of birds - is turned to stone. Maybe it would be a good idea to toss your suffering into its waters." if only it was this easy.. then everything will be so much easier.. don't you think.?
stir (: - 3:25 PM.
photos are up! faster go see! haha.. (:
stir (: - 1:42 PM.
i went fencing today.. and i made new friends.. all the fencers.. they're really nice ppl.. after such a long long time not fencing.. was actually quite rusty.. but it was alright.. expected myself to be rusty anyway.. haha.. fenced w this big guy who used to play american football.. he's more than a head taller than me! haha.. and after we fenced he commented that i never attacked.. when he attacked i would defend.. but if he wasn't doing anything, i wldn't attack.. and when i came home, i suddenly thought of how we are with God.. when God works in our lives, we either go along w it or we resist it.. but when it seems that God isn't doing anything (i.e. we aren't aware of it) we wld just be passive and not do anything, or we'll ask God why isn't He doing anything.. and i realised that is not what God wants us to do! when He's in the background, He wldn't want us to sit passively there waiting for Him.. He wld want us to come out and actively seek Him! what do you think?
stir (: - 10:32 PM.
the birthday celebrations started at the stroke of midnight with celest and the cell sneakily procuring a humongous blueberry cheesecake at the cafe where we were having 'supper' after cell.. was pleasantly surprised with the really sweet card and rose.. (: however, this was only surprise no. 1! after the cheesecake, which made me extremely full and even more sleepy.. i went home, cos i cldn't reach jess and the rest, only to find them lying in wait for me! in my apartment! with streamers and party poppers and cake and party hats etc, etc. haha! was really really shocked.. and i learnt later that sneaky liane told everybody not to anwser my phonecalls at all so that i'll have to go home.. how mean is that! but i was really really touched to see so many ppl there! even drunk glenn managed to make his appearance.. and the 'banners' and birthday msges everyone wrote were great! when the excitment died down and most of them had gone home, jess suddenly told liane and i to follow him.at first we thought he wanted to bitch abt a certain person.. then we thought he was sad.. then we thought he just wanted to go downstairs and smoke.. and then we were clueless.. he made us follow him and then he suddenly stopped and unlocked a car!he'd collected his car without us even knowing la! so he brought us for a spin and that's how the night ended.. (: woke up really late and lazed around at home w liane before collecting a 'package'.. a really really fabulous bunch of flowers! all the way from sg.. it was lovely! (: had a fantastic brunch w my sis at richmond.. yummy pancakes and ceasar salad and poached eggs on toast.. and she gave me a bean bag.. just without the beans! haha.. wanted dinner w just jess, alex and liane.. and we went through quite alot of trouble to achieve that.. haha! anw we headed down to st kilda's and had wonderful dory and snapper fish.. yummy yummy.. and that's how my birthday ended.. just the way i like it, a quiet dinner w just the closest of close friends.. the people who were with me throughout all my ups and downs in aussie.. (: u know, i expected my birthday to be a quiet affair.. cos i didn't think it was a big deal.. but the celebrations and surprises were a nice addition to it all.. to mummy, twin, jo p, jude and mark: thanks for the wonderful birthday msges and call! (: it made me happy. really. to liane: thanks so so much for making this birthday oh so memorable! u got me on this one babe! to jess, alex, glenn, faiz, irene, hanna, zian, chris, derrick, brian, yohannes (sprry if i missed out anybody): this birthday, and whatever liane planned, was made possible with u guys.. was really really great to see all of u cramped in my lil apartment yet going all out to celebrate w me.. really really appreciate it.. (: to celest, sarah, jolene, isaac, patrick and the rest of the cell: thx so much for the surprise and the blueberry cheese cake and card and rose..really didn't expect u guys to go to so much trouble for my birthday.. (: p/s: birthday photos will be uploaded soon.. (:
stir (: - 5:49 PM.
sometimes i wonder why some people must always have friends around them. i just spent the whole day, well almost the whole day, alone at home and i wasn't bored or lonely at all. some may argue that i have the internet and the tv and the radio and the phone. and yeah, i did make use of what i've got. but sometimes i feel that its only when u're alone that u'll learn the most about yourself. sure, i miss being in the company of my close friends, eugenia, clara, jude, etc etc. but i just love staying alone. (: i just had to say that out 'loud' to everybody. haha. i got a package today. with a lovely card inside that's long overdue. it made me smile and made me tear. it made me laugh at myself even. rereading it numerous times just made me smile and tear and laugh even more. and someday, we'll have our day. and nobody can take that away.
stir (: - 11:53 PM.
i trust you. (:
stir (: - 3:48 PM.
I'm looking out the window Where we sat to watch the stars There's a chill within the air It makes my heart long for your touch You may be miles away But as I kneel to pray
I see the same side of the moon That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue And know that time and space can't come between me and you We share the same side of the moon And though you'll never see all the tears shine through I know I can't be that far from you If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I picture you across the ocean In your corner of the world I pray the wind will blow my voice And gently whisper in your ear Your night may be my day And though the seasons change
It's still the same side of the moon That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue And know that time and space can't come between me and you We share the same side of the moon And though you'll never see all the tears shine through I know I can't be that far from you If we're both looking on the same side of the moon I know I can't be that far from you If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly
stir (: - 3:23 PM.
four days ago i started school with tons of apprehension. what if this wasn't what i like? what if its boring? what if i can't understand anything the lecturers say? what if i have no friends? all the what ifs.. and i thought to myself what on earth am i doing in education when i can become an accountant or a psychologist or even a lawyer? everytime i tell ppl that i'm going to do early childhood education, they give me weird looks and dare not ask for my trinity score cos they think i screwed up again and for those few moments before i stepped into my first lecture, i thought i did screw up again. not with my results, but with what i chose. but u know what? i absolutely LOVE what i'm studying now. not just because i love kids. but because i know i can change lives. yeah, i'm being idealistic and all. but so what?! i enjoy almost all my classes i still have no friends and i'm the ultimate loner and i have to speak with an aussie slang else all the other 119 coursemates will not understand me but i don't care! we went to a kindergarten today to observe the kids. and what's so diff is that the teachers are sitting next to the kids in the classroom, not in front. its really diff from s'pore and its really something that u'll never ever get to see. now, all i need to do is find some friends. that's a really hard task when everybody in my course is australian or did their vce here, except for 3 of us. if u look really carefully, u'll see a rainbow. (:
stir (: - 3:06 PM.
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