[ Firefly Beach ]

Monday, April 30, 2007

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Thank God for His provision!
to think that i was so worried..
and God provided, not something mediocre..
but the best!
i am amazed.. really..

stir (: - 5:12 PM.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

yesterday had another one of those classic stir moments..
and i couldn't help but laugh (in my head) at myself.. (:
funny funny.. but i shall not embarrass myself..

today i was walking home deep in thought and patrick scared me..
he went 'BAH!' from behind and shocked whatever i was thinking about out of my head..
now i have this naggin feeling that i need to tell somebody something..
but i can't remember..
why is my lg leader so childish/lame?
it was pretty funny though..
i think he entertained himself throughout the day, more than anything else..
he went, "find somebody who's wearing purple again!"
and he points at me and go, "ding! 10 points!"
(its from that silly wii game they were playing last night..)
ah, the wonders that a lack of sleep + strong coffee do to some people..

stir (: - 9:38 PM.

Friday, April 27, 2007

stir is/is not looking forward to placement!
was talking to a coursemate about previous placements
and i realised how unfair the grading system is! raar!
i worked my butt off last sem for 2 weeks
going early, leaving late, working well into the night..
and i got a measly grade simply cos my supervisor thought tt's what i deserve..
and tt's fine by me, cos i understood where i went wrong..
my coursemate (in her own words) did nuts and didn't even complete her folder
and got a fantastic grade simply cos her supervisor couldn't really be bothered..
and its so terrible, cos nothing gets checked by the uni so there's no quality control
boo
stir is not happy abt it
stir loves the time spent interacting and learning
but hates the excessive amount of work that is going to be needed
and hates the fact that placement is right before exams
stir woke up happy today
but am now not very happy at all
and i need to go do some animations now
blah
methinks i need to help myself from dying first

stir (: - 3:54 PM.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

please, will somebody tell me
where i fit in this big picture called theworld?

its times like these where i wonder what am i doing, studying here.
when i'm struggling to find a place to fit myself into after losing my grip
when i realise how much i'm missing out
when days go by before i have another dose of belly-aching laughter which i was so used to
when i resist the urge to do what used to be the highlightoftheday
when i watch my world go by without being able to be part of it

i was reading some of my old old posts, and watching some of my old old videos, and looking through some old old photos..
and i remembered the times when nothing else mattered..
when there was no need to read deeper into words or actions..
when i was naive but carefree..

stir (: - 4:52 PM.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

boo.. stir's paying the price for being vain.. :(
my recently renewed obsession with earrings have been brought to an uncomfortable halt..
after wearing all my old earrings for the past 6 days,
my left ear lobe is paying the price for it..
stir has no money for pretty earrings that dont hurt..
raar..

also, stir is freaking out for exams in 3+2 weeks time!
i dont like boring lecturers who know they're boring, hence only giving out the roll at the end of the painful sleep-inducing 2hr lecture..
and then set tough tough exam qns!

stir (: - 4:17 PM.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

I whisper,"You don't have to worry, we'll survive"
Forced smiles underneath the brittle, frozen light
No proof that you're alive
Cold fingers find the curve below your tired eyes
No comfort in familiar places, not this time
You hold it deep inside

stir (: - 9:14 PM.

i'm bubbling with excitement now..
and i think i'm super ingenious! (:
hopefully nothing goes wrong though..

ohh! i saw this red balloon floating in the sky outside my window just now..
and it made me smile..
and wonder which lil girl lost her balloon..

had cell at my place last night..
twas nice seeing a house full of live, bubbling with people..
oh wells..
in a sense i miss staying at smelly, old, brown college sq..
i was never bored and there's always somebody u can call over..
even if it was to simply sit and stone..

its weird seeing how some people change over years..
u think u know what they wld turn out to be like that..
and they surprise you and become this whole other person that you don't really know anymore..

and my mum says that she thinks my hair is cute..
and pamsy thinks so too..

and i know i've said this before..
but i really really miss close friends and comfy silences!
i think i wld be a very different/happy person if they were here w me..
on the other hand, i thank God that celest is here too..
cos that's one more than what most people have! (:

ok stir's v random today..
maybe cos its such a gloomy, dreary day..
boo..

stir (: - 5:16 PM.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

hello!
stir's snipped-cut-chopped off her hair!
i dont recognise myself anymore..
i walk past a mirror and think "ooh! i look like my sis!"
or "oh my! what have i done?!"
or "woah! so short!!"

cutting hair is therapeutic..
i feel good.. tons better in fact..
no more strongholds in my life..
today marks the start of stir's transformation.. (:

i had a lovely (long overdue) 1hr+ talk with eugenia my dear..
i miss talking nonsense with her..
i miss pouring my heart out to her..
i'm so sorry we nv had that 'party' we envisioned..
it wld have been great fun..
oh wells.. now i just need to look for a rich (lawyer/doctor) bf to fly me down to surprise her!
if only life was that easy..
u'll def get a surprise on your birthday my dear..
cos only the special-est ppl get surprises from stir! (:
study hard study hard! dont fret!
get good grades, go do ind attachment w good pay, then come visit stir!*

*free accomodation, incl of breakfast, for a limited time only!
offer valid if your name is eugenia (or judy)! haha!

stir (: - 9:20 PM.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

i decided to put my ipod on shuffle today..
and the first song that came up was wonderwall, followed by chasing cars..
which somehow reminded me of timbre (ngak! heh heh..)
which then reminded me of judy mooty..

and these will be the only 2 photos that i'll post of cell retreat..
cos if you don't already know, stir is a lazy girl..
and anyway you can see them all on celest's and my life group's blogs.. (:
i even linked it for your convenience..
and i really am feeling more and more 'at home' in cell..
but don't worry, i still love my POP 1/2! (i can never differentiate) haha!
which reminds me, my life group gave me a lollipop for my birthday and at that precise moment i saw it, i thought of jo p and my lovely people of passion..
(i just realised i dont have a proper updated pop picture though.. oh wells..)

stir (: - 4:35 PM.

Monday, April 16, 2007

i'll give anything to have apple pie ice cream at island creamery with these two right now.. (:

or a girls night out with my dearest spices..

have i told you how much i hate hate hate confrontations?

stir (: - 6:07 PM.

Friday, April 13, 2007

it all came rushing back to me..
that old familiarity..
but somehow, this time, i didn't feel it in me..
it was almost an out of body kinda feeling..
detached.. a third person peering in..
(i know u'll read this, but i dont really care anymore)

you know how when you really want to say something..
but you're looking for that right moment..
and u try to suppress what you have to say..
and it leaves a lump in your throat..
well, that's how i felt..

ah, the wonders of a masked face..
like a clown..
trying to make the whole world happy..
but today,
today, the walls i so carefully built around my heart came crumbling down..
the resolve i so carefully pieced together cracked under pressure..
today, i cried out for help but noone replied..

stir (: - 11:14 PM.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Pencil marks on a wall
I wasn't always this tall,
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed,
You watched my team win,
You watched my team lose,
You watched when my bicycle went down again,

And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”

Only 16, life is so mean, what kind of curfew is at ten PM
You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again

When I was weak, unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Heart-ache Healer, Secret-keeper,
be my Best Friend” and You said “I am”

sometimes i wonder why is it so easy have so many emotions and thoughts bubblings inside, and yet when you're faced with a roomful of people, you can just switch and be happy and bubbly all over again.. the other day was just like that.. and when i went home, i felt like i was going to implode..

on a side note, am i supposed to be excited now? please, tell me, cos i wldnt know otherwise..

stir (: - 6:33 PM.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

here's some really belated pics from my birthday (cos my daddy keeps forgetting to send me the pics).. its more like the making of my present than the actually birthday thing.. (:

sam rach pat (and they're all looking at different places)

the pretty cupcakes before the icing

reality's gonna hit home pretty soon and i'm trying to brace myself for it.. something happened the other day which reminded me of why whatever happened happened in the first place.. i told celest that its all about timing.. its all about bracing yourself for that moment and then you'll just get the courage to say what needs to be said.. i hope my courage sticks with till then..

i was chatting w clara just a few nights back.. and i realise i really really miss those comfy silences we have.. and i thought of our timbre night out.. and i miss it.. i miss sitting there and basking in our friendship.. where u guys know exactly what i mean without me having to say too much.. and another thing i realise is that we're all grown up now.. ppl always say that we grow up and we move on.. well, i aint ever gonna move on from that..

stir (: - 2:44 PM.

Monday, April 09, 2007

easter sunday night's lil service brought new revelations to me..
watching the passion now vs 2+years ago is extremely different..
then, what struck me most was the gore, the blood, the hatred in their eyes..
now, i see love that surpasses all else, the determination..
and the one thing that struck me the most was when Jesus first carried His cross.. and the other criminal shouted at him, "You fool! Why do you embrace your cross?!" (or something to that extent)

the weekend was definitely well spent w my cell at phillip island..
playing with sam's wii..
silly games and funny dances..
taboo words and mortgages..
building houses and kicking balls (or overestimating and not kicking the ball at all)..
analysing characteristics and playing silly logic games..
building sandcastles that look like ufos or faces (up to your imagination)
and great walls that look like snakes..
chasing seagulls and jumping in the air..
chicken, chicken, and more chicken.. (and some beef and lamb and eggplant)
water rationing (or lack thereof) and 'fused' lightbulbs..
pancakes and our initials..
strange noises and night lights..
(of as charlene put it "3 girls in 3 sleeping bags, screaming our lungs out for a guy to come save us.. from the dark..")
i think this trip met up to my expectations and so much more..
i'm glad all those 'unforeseen circumstances' never came to pass..
and i think i got to know my cell alot more..
this trip has really been a blessing and i thank God for it.. (:

stir (: - 6:18 PM.

Friday, April 06, 2007

. . .
I feel I must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
. . .
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I know that I have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

stir (: - 5:07 PM.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

raar.. my house is in a great big mess.. and for first time in my life, i've got some form of dark eyes rings under my eyes..

i stayed home the whole of yesterday to finish my poster assignment.. and i conveniently forgot to go and buy art paper till 10mins before the art shop closes.. thank God the shop's just round the corner.. and i spent close to 7 hours printing and arranging and rearranging all the info to fit into a narrow narrow poster.. which was why i slept at 430 in the morning and printed 2 page1s, 2 page3s, and 2 page5s of my lecture notes.. blame my printer for not being able to print double-sided pages automatically.. (i only realised during lect that i printed it all wrong) raar..

and then, i woke up at 830 and told myself that i CANNOT forget to bring the poster to class.. cannot cannot! then i wore my shoes and drank some coffee.. and forgot about the poster.. (which is why i'm home now) and to top it all off, i forgot that i had a 2hr lecture until 1 hr of the lect had finished.. oh wells hooray for stir's blurness! i bet i made u laugh.. (:

stir (: - 11:14 AM.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

i'm taking a break from assignments and decided that today shall be photo overload day!

timbre-ing with my beloved sn guides friends.. our friendship has indeed come a long way.. and we spent the night looking back on all the good and bad times we had together.. and its amazing how we still blend and bond after so many years.. esp since i sorta lost contact with most of them when we went to jc.. all of us being caught in the current of our own bustling lives..

what's left of our pizza by the time we remembered to take a pic of it..

coffeclub with pamsy my love!

the obligatory spastic shot (: which reminds me.. jude can i pretty please have the videos/photos from our girls night out? (:

and i refused to take photo with her and that pink ball of i-dunno-what.. (:

and photos are from the time i went to the museum with my dearest eugenia..

and we decided that the basement of the musuem is good for playing hide and seek.. or peek-a-boo.. or taking spastic photos.. (:

i've been extremely happy the past few days.. and i don't even know why.. its kinda like being on a constant natural high.. which motivated me to unpack that last box of stuff which i've been procrastinating about.. and set up my keyboard so i can practice.. and do a complete clean up of my house.. and do sets of jumping jacks and push ups and sit ups.. and i think maybe tmw, if i have the time, i might actually go climb that 34 floors as a form of exercise.. and that's if i still can't sit still.. (:

let me tell u.. stir's set for a major overhaul of her life! out with past hurts and bad old memories! cut the anchor lines of confusion and hurt that weigh me down.. something's happening within me and i can feel it in my bones.. right in the core of my being.. God's working on me, chunk by chunk.. and i think He thinks that its 'bout time!

stir (: - 12:31 AM.